Did you ever consider that while you were a JW believing that you will never die that you were never living in the present but the future That you put off living today for a future reward when everything will be perfect and you will be happy.
Your life no longer belongs to the GB It's yours to enjoy one day at a time Sure make plans for the future but don't pin your happiness on them. As the Chinese say "Happy every day" Works for me. I'm 61. I don't know how many days I have left, I don't care. I'm too busy enjoying this one.